The Me No One Can Really See

Print & Fashion. Sometimes I think its the essence of what I am and who I am.

I majored in commercial photography with a focus in fashion and a minor in business. I grew up immersed in the fashion industry and the print industry.  I really think I was born into this world ready to be apart of it all.

When I was younger, my mother decided to fulfill her life long dream of going to fashion school.  Because she was a mother of two, she took the night classes and always brought us with her.  We would sit outside the classroom in the hallway, play our games and do our homework, nap and eat.  I never remember it ever being awful.  I do remember always wanting to go into the classroom with her and sit under her cutting table and play with all her scraps. I used to do this at home.  My mom had many dress forms and having two young girls, her thesis project was a children's clothing line.  So of course, she needed a mini dress form- child size if you will.  I remember taking fabric and draping it over the dress form pretending to make what mommy made.  I was also in her end of year runway show to showcase her work. I modeled a few outfits, took some photos with some friends & some very pretty tall leggy models, strutted my little butt down that long road of a runway and then got paid with animal crackers & chicken nuggets behind stage.  I'd say that's anyone's dream, right?

All models have attitude but these models learned at a young age.

Those tiny legs were on the run.

My mother was brilliant: high lo wedding dress. I really wasn't as small as this chick made me look.
 I mean, I was a model, ya know.

I've always looked up to her for that.  Being a mother and going to school. She later worked for a couture boutique in the city doing pattern making. I, again, remember going to work with her down in the city.  That train ride, long walk over the bridge and through the traffic to get to her space. I'd make forts under her desk and fall asleep. I'm sure I was a pain in the ass and whiney through it all.  But I look back on it now and think damn- I got to see a lot as a kid and yet I still kept all my innocence.

A lot of the privileges us ladies of our clan have gotten were because of my father's willingness to let us succeed and of course his generousness in helping us fulfill those dreams.  He worked hard for us to be able to do those things.  He still to this day does, even though he doesn't have us living under his roof anymore. He will die a happy man once my sister gets married.  It will be like a reinvention of his bank account.  He is a very smart man, especially with money.  It's basically what he does. He's been working at the same company for over 25 years.  If I could say it, he pretty much runs that company.  Not sure if he would agree but that's how I view him, a smart powerful man.  He's even intimidating to me in some in depth conversations.  I remember going to work with him, too. I would sit at the desk behind him, play on the computer (that was turned off) and pretend I was his secretary. I'd follow him down to the factory where they'd print everything and be amazed at the large machinery spitting out thousands of things at a time.  I'd see things I'd recognize: logos, advertisements, brochures. He'd try to explain to me the process over the noise and I'd intently listen but really just lose myself in all the hustle and bustle.  I don't know if I really ever grasped what my father actually did for his job but I knew he was an important person and that people looked up to him.  I look up to him especially for his work ethic.  There's no 9-5 in this man's life.  If he needed to go in on a saturday to make things work, he would.  And that's a reason I try my best to work as hard as I can, to be just like him.  I worked under him at that very company many years later while studying in college in the Digital PrePress room.  I learned a lot from that company.  Things I don't necessarily think I'll ever use myself in the future but knowing them makes me a smarter better person at what I specifically do.  It looks great on my resume- I can tell you that.  I can explain what happens after the fact.  Knowing the entirety of a process from start to finish is essential in my business.  From conceptualizing, to styling and shooting, to retouching, to designing and all the way to the machine that prints it.

There's something about print that makes me feel like a lush.  I love it & I'd flirt with it if I could but people might look at me strange. I'm saddened by the fact that it may not be here anymore.  Those things that fade out become "nostalgic" and I feel they should never become that way.  Just like the dark room.  It's something I miss so much. Having the smell of chemicals on my hands and in the air, the red glow of light, the clock ticking and paper washing & drying.  It's where me all started. Everyone has a start place to knowing themselves and there it was in that dark room (in a non sexual way but it was pretty damn sexy if I do say so myself).  I don't think I've ever lost that love for it inside of me.  Some people do and it just becomes a hobby but for me, I don't think I could live without it in some way shape or form.  I'd be a miserable person, to say the least.  Somethings are novelties now. Novelties. But then just become old torn pages from a magazine sitting on your shelf. I used to be a magazine hoarder. I'd keep them all for no rhyme or reason.  I just loved them and cherished them.  I guess we all have the things we love.

Where I am now in my career and in life is exactly where I am supposed to be, now.  I have high aspirations but now I have the perfect blend between print & photography & fashion. I do miss shooting and I'm hoping to do more on the side now but I've learned a lot these past 3 years, about myself & my abilities to grow and learn.

Now that's what life is all about.  Not only living to love, like I said earlier, but to learn as well. And learn I shall do until the day I die.  You can be wise and sometimes beyond your years but even those who are- learn something new everyday.

So I'm telling you to learn and learn lots. Pick something up and challenge yourself.  You may actually enjoy it and continue with it in the end.

Peace, Love & The Joy of Life